The problem with the Easter bunny

I am disappointed in this whole Easter bunny thing. It's nothing compared to Santa Claus. My kids get the idea that Easter is supposed to be a big deal, but after I filter out the religious crap and all the Jesus stuff, there isn't much left for them. Plus, the bunny doesn't have a very coherent story, as near as I can tell. With Santa there is a complete story. Maybe you don't get an "origin" like you would in a comic book, or "backstory" like you would in a movie, but at least you know where he lives, how he gets around, where the toys come from, how he gets in the house, why there arre stockings, and so on.

But with the bunny, where does he live? Is he human sized, or regular bunny sized? Can he talk? Does he keep a list? Where he does he get the candy, and how does he carry so much? How does he get in the house? Then I run into a problem that may arise from my own education. Is the bunny supposed to be responsible for the eggs out there, or am I? And if the bunny is supposed to be responsible for the egg hunt, how am I supposed to hide them in the back yard without the kids knowing I'm doing it? At night, by flashlight?

Easter eve around here (New England) is usually in the 20's at night and the snow is just melting. That would be a good egg hunt, under three inches of newly fallen snow. "Kids, your eggs are hidden out there, somewhere on our five acres, under three inches of snow." Then assuming there is no snow, if I put the eggs out too early, the raccoons and opossums will get them.

And as the kids get older it's getting harder and harder to come up with a reason to celebrate Easter without bringing Jesus into it.

"Daddy, why didn't we have school on Friday?"
"It was Good Friday."
"So?"
"It's the day a guy named Jesus was killed."
"And that's why they call it 'Good'?"
"Hmm, that's a good question. Some people think he came back to life three days later."
My three year old said, "But when your dead you stay dead."
Smart kid.
But my six and seven year old have gleaned it on the playground or something. Someone told them Jesus really did come back to life.
"I don't believe that," I said. "How could that happen?"

You always think there will be time. It's my own fault, really. I kept putting off "the talk". PLEASE! Talk to your kids. Warn them about religion before it's too late. I may start a program called R.A.R.E. The cops have D.A.R.E., the Drug Abuse Resistance Education. We need Religion Abuse Resistance Education.

Who would think that kids as young as six and seven are being exposed to these things? Then my seven year old says he thinks maybe Jesus did come back to life. He thinks it would be good if he did. I didn't want to give him nightmares, but I had to straighten him out. "If he came back to life," I said, "there is a lot more that goes with that story. Like after a person dies, if he was bad, he goes to hell and burns in fire and flames and suffering for ever and ever."

But something inside makes him want to believe it. But then again, he was looking for candy-filled eggs left behind by a magic bunny who has a lot of inconsistencies in his story, too.